It's interesting that what God initially used burn-out to surface in me, He is now using relocation to surface again. I have been feeling out of place in Vancouver, missing the familiarity of Toronto and strangely also missing the familiarity of Asia. As I search my heart, I discover that part of what I'm missing is the feeling of security that comes from knowing that people know my history and accomplishments. For some reason, I feel like because people don't know me here, I need to somehow prove to them that I am worth being friends with. That I am trustworthy and worth getting to know.
What I need to choose to believe, however, is that I am already valuable - regardless of how people think of me, or what I think they think of me. I'm challenged to ask myself where I'm looking for my significance. And the comforting truth is one I learned not so long ago: my significance comes from the One who created me.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
A NEW WAY OF JOURNALLING
A friend of mine shared this idea with me that I thought was very interesting. She said someone suggested to her to start journalling with her non-dominant hand. That forces the writer to slow his/her thoughts down and engage the other side of the brain. For those of us who have a tendency to rush through life, this would be a good one. I haven't tried it yet but my friend said it was quite a helpful exercise for her.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I'M A SURVIVOR
I survived my wedding.
It was a whirlwind weekend of people, smiles, chatter, flights and photos galore. And even though it was over three weeks ago, I'm still feeling like I'm just recovering from it. I had been worried about how I would fare under all the pressure and I'm glad to say I emerged victorious. I did not die!
I did have a breakdown on the Saturday night at our family and close friends' dinner where I felt myself unravelling at an alarming rate and we had to excuse ourselves early. In the moment, all I felt was panic and fear because I really thought I was losing control of myself. In retrospect, I've learned that that's what happens when I reach my limit.
Thinking about that night, I feel a sense of shame for not being stronger. I had only lasted until 8:30pm on my own wedding night. But then I think, if I'm going to max out, it might as well be on my wedding day. And I also come to the sobering thought that if I my wedding had been a year ago, I might not have even made it to the 1:00pm ceremony, much less attend the dinner.
Talking with a friend this morning, I rediscovered just what a long way I've come in a year. Now that the big stressful event is over, I have great hope for more progress on the road of recovery.
It was a whirlwind weekend of people, smiles, chatter, flights and photos galore. And even though it was over three weeks ago, I'm still feeling like I'm just recovering from it. I had been worried about how I would fare under all the pressure and I'm glad to say I emerged victorious. I did not die!
I did have a breakdown on the Saturday night at our family and close friends' dinner where I felt myself unravelling at an alarming rate and we had to excuse ourselves early. In the moment, all I felt was panic and fear because I really thought I was losing control of myself. In retrospect, I've learned that that's what happens when I reach my limit.
Thinking about that night, I feel a sense of shame for not being stronger. I had only lasted until 8:30pm on my own wedding night. But then I think, if I'm going to max out, it might as well be on my wedding day. And I also come to the sobering thought that if I my wedding had been a year ago, I might not have even made it to the 1:00pm ceremony, much less attend the dinner.
Talking with a friend this morning, I rediscovered just what a long way I've come in a year. Now that the big stressful event is over, I have great hope for more progress on the road of recovery.
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