LET'S WAIT TILL THE WATER RUNS DRY

Reading 1 Kings 17 today, I found it very interesting that God brought Elijah to the live off of a brook and waited until the brook was dry before telling Elijah to move on to Zarepath. And even more fascinating was that Elijah stayed at the drying brook until he heard God telling him to go elsewhere. If I were him, I don't know that I would be calm about watching my sole source of water dry up day after day before my very eyes. Would I still be able to trust that God remembers me?

In a sense, I feel like God is allowing (or even waiting for) my brook to run dry before He tells me where to go next. It's like I'm watching all that is familiar evaporate so that the bedrock is exposed and I have nothing left but God to cling to for sustenance. Only then will He give me His new word of direction.

So in a way, even though I felt burnt out half a year ago, that was really only the beginning to the process of God drying out my brook so that He could direct me to new places (which, if you read Elijah's story, is a widow's home where a miracle happens every day.)

RESILIENCE

Today was my eighth and last appointment with my counselor in Toronto. It's been a very valuable experience, meeting with him. I've been encouraged (often affirmed that I'm normal), learned a lot and gained new insights and perspectives into the burnout recovery process.

One of the marks of a fully recovered person is a rebuilt "resilience." By that, it means that the person is capable of handling the stresses of life again because they have integrated enough life-giving elements into their lifestyle. I'm not there yet, but one of the ways I'm getting there is I'm exploring more of who God has made me to be so that my next job or ministry role will be more in line with my strengths.

My counselor gave me a list of books to explore on this topic and he also gave me a book to start with. It's called "Don't Waste Your Talent" by Bob McDonald and Don E. Hutcheson. I'm really excited to start reading it.

I once came across a definition of burnout as when a forest has been gutted by a fire. I feel like that's what has happened to me. Through this time, God has burned away everything that I thought was true about myself. And now I can see and examine the new growth poking out from among the ashes. Praise God!

On a side note, whenever I hear the word "resilience," I will always think of this exchange I had with a friend while we were in Italy:

Me: Wow, these pigeons are resilient!
Friend: Really? How do you know?
Me: Look at them, people are throwing stuff at them and kicking at them and they still stay there.
Friend: So?
Me: So they're resilient!
Friend: Oh! Resilient!! I thought you said the pigeons were Brazilian!!!

CONSIDER IT DONE

Christ said, "Let us go to the other side" - not to the middle of the lake to be drowned.
~Dan Crawford

This thought is very comforting to me. It's because Christ was fully intending to bring his disciples to the other side of the lake that he could sleep while the storm was raging and the waves rose higher and higher. His disciples had not taken him for his word, and so they panicked.

Today marks exactly 6 months since I came home to rest. And half a year later, I don't feel like too much progress has been made. But I know that even though I may feel like I'm still stuck in the middle of the lake, God's invitation to me was to go to the other side. So I can take His word in faith and stop despairing. Because He always finishes what He starts.

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance, I've come to learn, is one of the keys to resting. When I do not accept certain things about myself or my circumstances (or others), it is impossible for me to be at rest. Because then I am constantly striving or wishing for something different than what is. Acceptance is the humility to acknowlege that the circumstances are the best because God has ordered them to be so; and that I am exactly who I need to be for this moment. Change comes only from God. So acceptance means relinquishing my desire for control and allowing Him to take full responsibility for my life. As I do that, I am effectively hiding myself in His will - and in that sacred place, I find rest.

I'M JEALOUS OF THE MAPLE TREES

Yep, after 3 months hiatus, I'm back. :) And I just want to say, watching these maple trees in our yard go from bare branches to full foliage in a matter of weeks makes me just a teensy bit jealous. I wish I could grow that fast.

I've been home for just over five months now and I still feel like my branches are bare. Oh there are days when I feel like there's almost some budding happening. But most days, it's still a struggle to keep hoping and tell myself despair is only a feeling and not to base my understanding of life on it.

I made a comment about the trees to my mom the other day and her reply encouraged me. She said that they have to grow their leaves quickly because summer is such a short season here. In my case, however, God willing, I still have quite some time ahead of me before my "summer" is over. Here's the redeeming truth: He makes all things beautiful in His time.

PLEASE EXCUSE THE SCAFFOLDING

I have some sad news: scaffolding is being put up around this construction project and your view will be obstructed for a time. God is taking me to sacred, deep and personal places I don't know about and He's requested that I press pause on the publishing for now. So, my fellow journeyers, thanks for watching the renovation process with me to this point. If you remember, please pray for me as God leads. I am confident what comes out of this will be even better - for all of us.

(For a further explanation of this decision, please click on the link on the right to visit my other blog. Thanks!)

DETOX FOR THE SOUL

If bodily organs could have awards, the "multi-tasker" award would go to the liver. Not only is it the production site for blood, it acts as a filter for impurities (such as alcohol) and it generates bile (which is necessary for digestion). It probably has other uses as well but I'm no biology major so we'll leave it at that.

A couple days ago, I finished a 3-week detox diet. Basically, I ate foods that would be easily absorbed so that my system - and my liver in particular - would have a lighter load and toxins would have the opportunity to be released.

In a way, I see this time of rest for me as a "detox" for my soul. God has placed me in an environment where my usual pressures and stresses are lessened and there's time and space for the "toxins" in my soul to be released.

I've heard it said before that Christ's kingdom exists not just in the realm of thought and spirit but of the body (Christ himself was the Word become flesh). I think it's so true. We can learn much from observing the physical world God has made.