JOY & SORROW

It has been suggested that our cup of joy can only be as deep as our cup of sorrow.
~ Tim Hansel, You Gotta Keep Dancin'

Loss is saying goodbye to anything before we're ready to.
~ Doris Beck

A SIGNIFICANT STEP

Yesterday was a significant day in my recovery process.

For the last 15 months or so, God had been teaching me to let go of discipline in a sense, to just be, without putting parameters on how I spent each day. This past month or so, I've felt more and more restless about my inconsistent quiet times. Until yesterday. Yesterday God finally said it was time to re-introduce the concept of discipline into my life. How exciting!

What this looks like practically is that I've decided to set my alarm every morning for 9am, which will give me more time in the mornings and allow me to hang out with the Lord before diving into the day.

You might be thinking that I'm crazy because I'm actually happy about incorporating discipline into my life. Well, I guess it's like this, when you've wandered among endless sand dunes in the wilderness for a very long time, it's really nice to see a road.

ENDINGS AND BEGINNINGS

Yesterday was my last scheduled appointment with my counselor. As we talked over the phone, I had this incredible sense that this leg of the journey was coming to a close. God has helped me to establish myself in Vancouver now and I no longer need his particular care and guidance. It's as if I have come out of the ICU because my condition has stabilized.

It's been almost a year since Tim surprised me with a ring and got a huge ball of changes rolling. I'm glad to say, I think the ball has finally stopped rolling. I realized the other day that I'm finally able to rest. Even though I'm running our household and working part time, I would dare to say that I'm resting better now than any other time in my past. At the very least, for the first time since graduating from high school (that's nine years!), I am not packing up my room for the summer or moving to another "home" this fall.

It's not that there are no more changes. There are. I just enrolled in a 2-year Master's level Spiritual Formation program through a local theological college that starts in June. But I think this change will be an enriching experience. In a way, I can see God continuing His ministry of rebuilding my soul through the people I will encounter through this program.

So there are endings. And there are beginnings. And from where I stand right now, I think the darkest part of the valley is behind me. (At least this time around!)