Part of life after burn-out for me has been living with the tension of my desire for productivity and interaction with the world and my need for stillness, solitude and silence. Back in May, there was one week in particular where that tension was acute and I was at my wit's end.
Then one night, I had a dream. In my dream, I was in a highrise, a good number of floors up. On both sides of me were walls. And I was trying to hold on, arms and legs outstretched, wedging myself between the surfaces so that I would not fall. For some reason, it wasn't enough that I had to keep myself suspended high above the ground - I also had to try to move forward and catch someone in front of me. So there I was, trying to hold myself together, trying to move ahead.
All of a sudden, something inside of me changed and I decided I was done with trying to maneuver myself between these two walls. I let go.
And then I fell.
And fell.
And fell.
And surprisingly, I didn't wake up from the dream. Instead, I found myself caught in a soft, cushiony net. As I lay there, I grinned. I never had to try to hold on in the first place!
This was a life of grace.
