I have been pondering Peter and Jesus' exchange when they walked on water in the middle of the storm. Someone recently asked me whether I would rather stay in the boat like most of the disciples or risk it like Peter. Would I want to step out onto the waves, start sinking and have Jesus disappointed in my small faith? The deepest part of me says I want to risk it. Every time. Because even if I sank, I would never forget the strength of Jesus' grip when He bails me out. But the part about disappointing God makes me hesitate.
Why is disappointing God something to be avoided? Why do we think it's a bad thing for Him to reprimand us? Disappointment seems to be a natural part of relationships between two persons. If disappointment comes because our hopes for another person are not met, then for God to be disappointed in us it would mean that He has hopes for us. That's not so bad, is it? (Side note: While oftentimes we associate disappointment with unmet expectations, I think there's a difference between expectation and hope. When it comes to God's view of us, I think He views us with hope rather than expectation. I don't think He requires us to do or be anything other than what we are, but He does long for us to be more than what we are.)
Maturity in Christ looks like this to me: that I live ever more fully in my own reality, acknowledging and taking ownership of my feelings, thoughts and actions while giving freedom for others (people or God) to be who they are. If my small faith is all that I have at the moment, wouldn't recognizing the reality of my condition be a positive thing rather than a negative thing? And for God to express His disappointment would mean that He is His own person and does not need to cater to my ego. For me not to be afraid of His disappointment would mean that I am accepting of His personhood that is distinct from mine.
I think that perhaps we link others' disappointment in us too closely with our worth as individuals. When I think about God's relationship with us, He doesn't get flustered if we are disappointed with Him. He just is who He is. Some might argue and say that God doesn't need our approval to know His worth. That's true. But don't we already have God's full approval? Hasn't He already demonstrated that He loves us unconditionally? Hasn't He also promised us that He will never abandon us? So what are we so afraid of?
