WHEN, LORD?

Labour Day weekend is coming up. I'd been instructed not to think about work possibilities until that weekend. Now that it's a few days away, I'm wondering if I'm ready to head into that realm yet.

I don't know.

I'm still tired.

And I'm tired of being tired.

I want life to move on, but part of me doesn't. I wonder if I should resume working when I feel like I haven't really learned how to rest?

So the question is: When, Lord?

And the prayer is: Wisdom, please.

TWO STEPS FORWARD...

I'm having another moment when I wonder whether I'll ever come out of this valley. I slept 11 hours last night and I can't decide what to have for lunch.

This feeling will pass, I know.

Some significant milestones for me these last couple weeks have been:

• I drove 5 minutes to the supermarket (and back).
• I drove 20 minutes to my friend's house (and back).
• I took the bus by myself for a grocery run
  
• I was able to talk about my time of ministry in Asia without feeling panic or resistance
• I made an amazing lamb dinner that caused Tim to slap the table because it tasted so good =p

Good signs. But I really wonder if "normal" will ever happen.

AN OLD FRIEND

Yesterday, I woke up to discover an old friend of mine was back in town. For the first time in a very long time, I actually started off feeling a sense of joy and hope toward the rest of my day. I think this is a significant development. Yay!

SLOW

Postings have been slow as of late. It's been hard for me to sit down and think when I've had so much to clean and so many boxes to unpack. I think moving has taken a lot out of me.

I do however still feel like I'm walking the road of recovery. It's tempting to try and "take my temperature" every day, checking on whether I've progressed or not. But once in a while, when I actually look back and compare myself to where I was at half a year ago, three months ago, or even a month ago, I feel a sense of relief - because I know I'm actually getting better.

This past week for the first time in a very long time, I felt like I actually cared for those around the world who don't know Jesus. It was just a moment, like a flicker of a long-lost spark. And I've actually felt excited to meet my new neighbours here.

I still feel like I'm treading water when it comes to taking care of myself. Deciding what to eat is one of the biggest challenges of my day. Deciding what to do comes a close second. Sometimes I wonder how I'll ever feel competent enough to take care of a family. But I need to trust that the grace I need will be there when the time comes.