Thursday, April 2, 2009

A LONG ROAD

I've been thinking lately that I will probably take at least three years to fully recover from burning out. It's been almost a year and a half now and I'm still needing at least 10 hours of sleep a night (plus napping some days), feeling a deficit of self-confidence (although it has gotten better) and resisting responsibility.

I was re-reading the article "Emotional Fatigue" the other day and it suggested that for some people, the amount of time it took to do the damage is the amount of time it will take to undo the damage. If that is true, I might be looking at something like 9 years. Sigh.

But I guess I've come to a point where I don't want to count anymore. It'll take as long as it needs to. I can't hurry it up and trying to push myself forward would probably just slow it down.

I think the hardest part about it is that no one can see or objectively measure the extent of the injuries. I'm the only one who can really say how I'm feeling. Sometimes I wonder whether people secretly think I'm being a wuss or a lazy bum. I wonder that about myself even.

I think it's difficult for me to extend grace to myself.

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