Being back in Toronto and preparing for a month of seeing a steady stream of people, I've noticed an intense reluctance to move forward in time. The culprit? Fear. I'm afraid that upping my social calendar (from around 3 appointments a week to around 10 apointments a week) will drain me faster than I can replenish my emotional reserves. And if that happens, I'm afraid that I will backslide into the dark abyss and lose everything I've waited so long to regain (notice I said waited, not worked). I guess I'm afraid that somehow, I will inadvertantly prolong my recovery process by entering into this month.
What it comes down to though (as with all fears), is a lack of trust in the Lord. Do I trust that He will give me the energy I need? Do I trust that even if I make all these appointments in faith, He will be sure to cancel the ones He knows are not the right timing for me? Do I believe that God is looking out for me and that I don't need to fend for myself? These are the deeper questions I need to answer.
When I finally choose to trust God, I find the freedom and joy to move forward.
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