RACING MY TEARS

I can tell when I'm starting to wear thin these days when I get all weepy by nighttime.  Some days, I can feel the tears threatening to break through and I play a little game with them.  I try to get ready for bed and drift off to sleep before the tears trickle out.  Most of the time when I play this game, I lose.  But once in a while I win.  By morning, after a good night's rest, the tears have hidden themselves away again, until the next time I get too tired.

CHURCH

I am learning that there are some days when communing with God looks like a few extra hours of sleep and taking my time with my journal and a cup of tea.  And this on a Sunday morning.

Since burning out, I've explored the idea of Sabbath more seriously.  What does Sabbath look like for me?  What gives me rest and restores my soul?  After a week full of activity, people, prayer, service and communion with others, my need for time alone was greater than my need for being at church.  And so I gave myself permission to stay home with the Lord.

There was a time when this would have been inconceivable. 

I am learning to be kinder to myself.

FITS AND STARTS

For Thanksgiving this year, Tim and I took an extended long weekend getaway and borrowed a friend's cabin on the Sunshine Coast of BC.  We spent the bulk of Saturday in silence and solitude, each taking the day to be with and hear from God.  It wasn't until I finally stilled myself (which took a long time!) that I realized I was all wound up again and actually quite tired.  With all the travelling this summer, adding a second day of work and hosting my in-laws in September, I had slowly been ramping up again without taking adequate rest.  I had forgotten that my priority is still to fill my tank - it's not quite full yet!  And so, I am coming back to a place where my decisions will be based on how much energy it costs me and whether I can afford it.  The road of burnout recovery is full of fits and starts.  But when I observe that even the ocean has high and low tides, I am not dismayed.