I was recently introduced to this song written by my favourite musician/singer. It speaks to a deep part of me. I wanted to pass it on and bless you with it as well. It's particularly meaningful for women, but I suspect the message would still speak to men in some way.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
DIGGING FOR ROOTS
I've heard it said before that the path to Christian maturity is really about one thing. What that thing is is different for each person, but we all have something that comes up again and again; something that mutates and reappears in forms that are at first unrecognizable perhaps but upon further investigation prove to be "that thing" we thought we'd dealt with already. I don't know if I just have one thing, but I do know I have at least a couple things that come up with alarming regularity.
One of those "things" for me is the attachment of my value to my perceived productivity. What do I mean? Well here's a recent example. A few weeks ago over dinner, my husband bravely asked me if I was afraid about how tired I would feel after the baby is born. As soon as I heard his question, tears sprang up into my eyes (and it wasn't just because of pregnancy hormones). I knew his question had touched on something deep that I was reluctant to look at. I told him that yes, I was afraid of becoming super tired again. He wisely suggested that I might do well to process through why I had this fear and to address it before the baby arrived. I didn't know how to go about facing this so before bed that night, I simply offered the question up to God and told him He'd have to help me work through it.
Surprisingly, I had a dream that very night that spoke to my request. In my dream, a friend of mine was driving me to an appointment. She was driving very carefully and slowly and I kept telling her to hurry up. She also didn't know the area so I was giving her directions. All of a sudden, she decided to take a right turn even though I hadn't told her to. That turn took us on a detour through a construction site that required her to drive even more slowly and carefully. My impatience and frustration were at excruciating levels but because she was my friend, I didn't yell at her. I don't remember the end of my dream but I think I eventually made it to my destination.
As I sat with the dream and asked Jesus to help me make sense of it the next day, I saw that when I feel tired, the same emotions of impatience and frustration rise up in me. It's like someone else has control of the vehicle and everything slows down. I saw too that behind those emotions was a desire to control my life - to make sure things were done my way or done, period. Tracing down to the root of all this, I arrived at the shocking conclusion that the reason I wanted things done or done my way was because if things weren't done or done "correctly," I felt less valuable! So here I had this fear of tiredness that was really a masquerade for a false belief that my worth was attached to my performance.
As I've continued this journey to the other side of burnout, I'm learning that some of the root beliefs that affect my behaviour are deeper than I realize. And I pray that in His grace, God would continue to expose these rotting roots and help me establish healthy ones in their place.
One of those "things" for me is the attachment of my value to my perceived productivity. What do I mean? Well here's a recent example. A few weeks ago over dinner, my husband bravely asked me if I was afraid about how tired I would feel after the baby is born. As soon as I heard his question, tears sprang up into my eyes (and it wasn't just because of pregnancy hormones). I knew his question had touched on something deep that I was reluctant to look at. I told him that yes, I was afraid of becoming super tired again. He wisely suggested that I might do well to process through why I had this fear and to address it before the baby arrived. I didn't know how to go about facing this so before bed that night, I simply offered the question up to God and told him He'd have to help me work through it.
Surprisingly, I had a dream that very night that spoke to my request. In my dream, a friend of mine was driving me to an appointment. She was driving very carefully and slowly and I kept telling her to hurry up. She also didn't know the area so I was giving her directions. All of a sudden, she decided to take a right turn even though I hadn't told her to. That turn took us on a detour through a construction site that required her to drive even more slowly and carefully. My impatience and frustration were at excruciating levels but because she was my friend, I didn't yell at her. I don't remember the end of my dream but I think I eventually made it to my destination.
As I sat with the dream and asked Jesus to help me make sense of it the next day, I saw that when I feel tired, the same emotions of impatience and frustration rise up in me. It's like someone else has control of the vehicle and everything slows down. I saw too that behind those emotions was a desire to control my life - to make sure things were done my way or done, period. Tracing down to the root of all this, I arrived at the shocking conclusion that the reason I wanted things done or done my way was because if things weren't done or done "correctly," I felt less valuable! So here I had this fear of tiredness that was really a masquerade for a false belief that my worth was attached to my performance.
As I've continued this journey to the other side of burnout, I'm learning that some of the root beliefs that affect my behaviour are deeper than I realize. And I pray that in His grace, God would continue to expose these rotting roots and help me establish healthy ones in their place.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
TAKING TIME TO PAUSE
I started reading "Seven Sacred Pauses" by Macrina Wiederkehr this past week. Its subtitle is "Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day." I've been pleasantly surprised by it.
From what I gather, Macrina lives the monastic life, but her writing is such that it makes the Benedictine concepts of pausing for prayer seven times a day very accessible to the average working person. She explains the tradition of praying at each of the times: in the middle of the night, at daybreak, at mid-morning, at noon, in the mid-afternoon, in the evening and at bedtime and highlights the themes from each of the "hours." She also includes prayer suggestions and thoughts to meditate on.
What I love most about this book is that her idea of pausing in the midst of work - to remember who I am; to remember Whose I am - instills a real sense of sacredness and dignity to my everyday comings and goings. The practice of pausing, if even for a moment, has a way of bringing me back to being and it reminds me of God's accompaniment with me throughout the day.
My favourite quote from the book so far is this. I'll leave it with you to ponder:
"Work is love made visible"
- Khalil Gibran (quoted by Macrina Wiederkehr)
From what I gather, Macrina lives the monastic life, but her writing is such that it makes the Benedictine concepts of pausing for prayer seven times a day very accessible to the average working person. She explains the tradition of praying at each of the times: in the middle of the night, at daybreak, at mid-morning, at noon, in the mid-afternoon, in the evening and at bedtime and highlights the themes from each of the "hours." She also includes prayer suggestions and thoughts to meditate on.
What I love most about this book is that her idea of pausing in the midst of work - to remember who I am; to remember Whose I am - instills a real sense of sacredness and dignity to my everyday comings and goings. The practice of pausing, if even for a moment, has a way of bringing me back to being and it reminds me of God's accompaniment with me throughout the day.
My favourite quote from the book so far is this. I'll leave it with you to ponder:
"Work is love made visible"
- Khalil Gibran (quoted by Macrina Wiederkehr)
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