MAKING SENSE OF IT ALL

Last week, I had another vivid dream. Whenever I wake up remembering the contents of my dream, I usually write it down and ask the Lord to show me if there is any significance in it. I believe He does speak to me through my dreams. And more often than not, He gives me insight into what they may possibly mean.

A couple pieces of advice I'd received from someone more familiar with dreams was:

1. Ask yourself, what was the emotion I felt in the dream?
2. Remember whatever the content of the dream was, it's about me. (So even if I dream that someone else is sick, it's not about them getting sick, it's about me and my response.)

I applied this advice to my dream and I was surprised to discover another angle from which to look at my burnout.

In my dream, I was at some sort of camp or retreat center and our activity for the afternoon was a scavenger hunt of sorts. We were to collect aerosol cans that were hidden throughout the building. We started off. I noticed that some people in the group went very quickly and then lost interest, choosing instead to go back to their rooms and socialize. Others were really slow and hardly found anything. I, on the other hand, went steadily along through every room and managed to find many cans that others had missed. I felt proud of myself for persevering and finding a whole plastic bag full.

Then we gathered to look at the results. As I took the contents of my bag out, I was shocked to see that half of the containers were more like dish detergent containers! They weren't aerosol cans at all!! I felt so confused and embarassed. How did I not see that before?!

As I sat and asked the Lord what this strange scenario could possibly mean, He brought this to mind... Perhaps the aerosol cans represented the tasks that I thought I needed to accomplish: evangelism, worship leading, fellowship leadership, doing well in school, etc. The dish detergent containers were the activities I had been involved in that in retrospect weren't essential and weren't actually in line with who I am created to be. They weren't the things I really wanted to have in my life, if I was honest with myself. (Or I might go as far as to say they weren't things God wanted me to have in my life.)

So even though I perceived myself as diligent and competent (perhaps more than others even), the reality was that I was making work for myself and "putting more in the bag" than was necessary.

Part of my coming to terms with my burnout, now that my former activities are exposed for what they truly were, is that I feel a sense of embarassment and confusion about it. I hadn't realized this about myself before I had this dream. So I think God allowed me to dream this in order to know this about myself.