HOW DID I KNOW?

As I've shared my burnout experience with people, the same question is often asked. How did I know it was burnout? What were my symptoms? Well, at first, I didn't know. I thought I was tired and depressed. What made it more difficult to diagnose (and probably also contributed to it surfacing sooner) was that I was living overseas. I thought it was culture shock, or due to moving around so much. The idea of burnout was initially planted in my mind as I was reading an article about it. I was later able to confirm it with the help of friends, colleagues, those who'd gone through it before and a professional counsellor.

Burnout looks different for each person who experiences it, but for me, my telltale signs were:

• Trouble with sleep (waking up throughout the night, never feeling like I had enough sleep even if I slept 12+ hours)
• Emotional instability (at one point, I was shocked to realize I had cried every day for a month straight)
• Difficulty making simple decisions (I had to ask my roommate to pick out some meat for me at the grocery store. Grocery shopping was one of my biggest sources of anxiety)
• Apathy towards work and life's passions (to be honest, I really didn't care if the world was going to hell)
• Overall lethargy (it felt like I could never shake the tiredness and I never wanted to go out)
• Relational bankruptcy (I hardly initiated with anyone, didn't pick up the phone, couldn't handle being in crowds or noisy places)
• Loss of self-confidence (I didn't trust my own assessments, thoughts or abilities. I didn't drive for fear of hurting those on the road)
• Stomach discomfort (related to anxiety)
• Sporadic and unfruitful times in the Word
• A long history of overworking and perfectionism

Thankfully, I'm at a place now where I've seen significant progress in most of these areas. I look back and am almost surprised by how dark that time was. It was difficult, it was unexpected, but it was the greatest invitation to life I have yet experienced.