Three years ago today, I boarded what I will remember as my "rescue flight" and headed back to Canada after burning out in Asia. I was considering closing this blog to commemorate the occasion but as I thought about it, I realized I still have content for a few more posts. So I won't close it for now. Instead, I will write.
I have died the same deaths many times in the last few years. My need for achievement, my perfectionist tendencies, the way I keep pushing myself to exhaustion; these old ways of striving have all had to die - over and over and over and over. And even today, I cannot say they are dead. Like a trick candle, the flame keeps flickering back. And I suspect it will continue - for a while yet.
But just as much as I have died, I have also lived. I have encountered grace in those moments of weakness. I have experienced love in its limitlessness each time I have caught myself relentlessly straining, and being all spent, flopped back onto Jesus' lap to rest my head on his chest.
I am learning that it's okay to have this embarrassing trick candle on my cake. It's part of who I am. And I suspect it's one of those things that draws out God's affection for me. Like he's grinning at me and saying, "Oh, Olive..."
2 comments:
Please don't stop sharing the wisdom and truths God is teaching you. It helps people like me! :)
i enjoyed this post. (:
xoxo
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