PLEASE EXCUSE THE SCAFFOLDING

I have some sad news: scaffolding is being put up around this construction project and your view will be obstructed for a time. God is taking me to sacred, deep and personal places I don't know about and He's requested that I press pause on the publishing for now. So, my fellow journeyers, thanks for watching the renovation process with me to this point. If you remember, please pray for me as God leads. I am confident what comes out of this will be even better - for all of us.

(For a further explanation of this decision, please click on the link on the right to visit my other blog. Thanks!)

DETOX FOR THE SOUL

If bodily organs could have awards, the "multi-tasker" award would go to the liver. Not only is it the production site for blood, it acts as a filter for impurities (such as alcohol) and it generates bile (which is necessary for digestion). It probably has other uses as well but I'm no biology major so we'll leave it at that.

A couple days ago, I finished a 3-week detox diet. Basically, I ate foods that would be easily absorbed so that my system - and my liver in particular - would have a lighter load and toxins would have the opportunity to be released.

In a way, I see this time of rest for me as a "detox" for my soul. God has placed me in an environment where my usual pressures and stresses are lessened and there's time and space for the "toxins" in my soul to be released.

I've heard it said before that Christ's kingdom exists not just in the realm of thought and spirit but of the body (Christ himself was the Word become flesh). I think it's so true. We can learn much from observing the physical world God has made.

THE 3 R'S

Sometime in the 90's (or was it late 80's?), I remember being taught the slogan at school. This was also around the time each home got a recycling bin. It was drilled into our heads that in order to save the environment, we had to "Reduce, Re-use and Recycle."

This past week, I learned another 3 R's. These three have to do with the post-burnout process.

• Rest
• Recovery
• Renewal

According to my counselor (who is really a God-send and has been doing this type of thing for over 30 years), a healthy way of looking at time for someone coming out of burn-out is to split the year into 3 month chunks of time (eg, first 3 months is just resting and the next 3 months can start into recovery). He also said it usually takes a person 2 years before they are completely symptom free and ready to take on a full load again.

Burnout is relatively simple to treat, he told me at the end of our first session, it just requires a lot of patience from the person going through it. No kidding! I'm only 2 months into this and I'm already feeling antsy. Lord, have mercy! ;)

IRONY

Patience grows only in the garden of waiting.

THE SECOND SERVANT

I've always wanted to be the servant who at the end of the day comes before her master and hears Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" As I understood it (and maybe was even taught this), the way to accomplish that was to work real hard and multiply what my Master entrusted me with.

Yesterday, I sat down and re-read the parable from Matthew 25. I suspected that my interpretation of the story previously had been skewed by a false perception of a performance based God and I wanted to read it with fresh eyes.

Here's what I think that Jesus' point of telling this story is: What God desires from us is faithfulness, not productivity.

If the Master's goal had been productivity, the second servant would not have been commended. I mean, what he had to offer in the end was not even half of what the first guy started with! If the master had wanted productivity, I could imagine the second guy thinking to himself, "What? The master only gave me 2 bags of silver? I'll show the master what I can really do!" And then going out, working really hard and coming back with 5 bags of silver but being all worn out and bitter at the master.

That's not our God though. Ours is a God who commends His servants for being faithful with what He allots them.

What then has God entrusted me with? And how faithful am I being with it?

HCK-TOO!

I came across two stories of Jesus that I hadn't really paid attention to before. In Mark chapter 7 and chapter 8, Jesus is recorded as healing two people, one deaf and mute and the other blind, by first touching them with His spit. I haven't found much on these two instances in the way of commentaries, but here's what I can glean about Christ's peculiar actions.

Both times, Mark says that people brought these men to Jesus so that he could touch them and heal them. And both times, Jesus leads them away from the crowd or outside the city (presumably also away from the crowd) before He heals them. By spitting on them, Jesus demonstrates that God will heal however He wishes to. We cannot tell God what to do. The healing work of God is both unpredictable and intensely personal.

What I also find interesting is that to be spit upon is normally a cultural symbol of degradation. Jesus Himself was spit upon when He was mocked before His crucifixion. That Jesus used spit to heal these men speaks to me of His redemptive power. He can take what is scorned and make it a beautiful thing.

I shudder to imagine being the blind man though... to hear the noise of Jesus spitting and then feeling the slimy wetness on my eyes?! Blech. But then again, discomfort is a small price to pay to be able to see Jesus.

HE'S HEALING ME: ONE WOUND AT A TIME

The other night as I was drifting off to sleep, God brought a flashback to my mind of me getting frustrated at the piano as a child. And He showed me that the frustration was actually a form of anger that I was turning onto myself. When I woke up, I explored that further. Here's what I wrote in my journal:

As I think about it now, I imagine me sitting there in front of the piano, pounding the keys in anger and being yelled at for mistreating the piano. Out of guilt and fear (I didn't want to break such an expensive instrument), I stop pounding and I start yanking my hair and biting my hands as self punishment. The whole time I am crying uncontrollably. I feel dumb and worthless.

As I keep watching the scene, I see You come up to me, You take my hand and lead me away from the piano. You sit with me and cradle my hands in Yours.

What are you feeling? You ask.

Angry. I answer.

Why are you angry?

I can't do it. I can't make my fingers move the way they're supposed to. I can't play the music perfectly.

Do you feel like you can't live up to the expectation of what the composer has for this piece?

Yes. And I can't live up to the expectations of others.

What do you think I think of your piano playing?

I don't know. Disappointed?

No. I think it's beautiful music. It might not be what is written on the page, but it's your song, not someone else's. Olive, I don't expect you to be someone else. Your little mistakes and variations of tempo and loudness are not bad. They make the song yours. And even if others listening don't appreciate it, I do. You are giving it your best. And I treasure that.

So I can just play for you and you think it's beautiful?

Yep.

NOTHING MORE

He who has God plus many things has nothing more than he who has God alone.
- C.S. Lewis

She who has God plus complete emotional and physical health has nothing more than she who has God alone.

She who has God plus a fulfilling, impacting ministry has nothing more than she who has God alone.

She who has God plus a clear future plan has nothing more than she who has God alone.

She who has God plus [whatever I'm hanging my hopes on apart from Him] has nothing more than she who has God alone.

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Side note: Praise God! I got in touch with a potential counselor and have an appointment booked for next week. His specific focus is expat missionaries and he served in Taiwan before. I'm so relieved.

SIGN OF A STRENGTH

I've started to think a bit about what comes next for me in terms of ministry. One helpful idea I've come across is from an article called "Using Your Strengths to Become Stronger" in the Feb 2008 edition of the Harvard Business Review. Essentially a review of Marcus Buckingham's book Go Put Your Strengths to Work: 6 Powerful Steps to Achieve Outstanding Performance, the article includes the SIGN test to help you identify whether an activity is a strength.

• Success: Do you feel successful and effective as you perform the activity?
• Instincts: Do you feel effortlessly drawn to the activity?
• Growth: When you perform the activity, do you have the sense that your mind is advancing?
• Needs: Does the activity leave you feeling fulfilled?

For the past few years, I'm not sure I can say I've been operating in my strengths the majority of the time. So I'm grateful for this break where I can re-evaluate things and hopefully find a more life-giving fit for me.

I AM HIS JOY

I listened to a great talk the other day. It's called "The Joy of God" by David Arcos. I found it off the Mosaic podcast (Erwin McManus' church). Anyway, David Arcos made many good points in his super encouraging talk, but the one thing that stuck out at me the most was his explanation of Hebrews 12:2

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

David Arcos suggested that this joy that motivated Christ was His love for us people. You and me. Because Jesus delighted so much in us, it gave Him so much joy that He had the strength to endure the cross. We give Him that much joy. It's like saying,

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for [insert your name here] set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I'd always interpreted that verse to mean that Jesus was so looking forward to being reunited with the Father that He endured the cross. But I now realize that's a skewed perspective. As if the work of redemption was just a piece of dirty work that needed to get done, and then Jesus could enjoy Himself with His Father and the Holy Spirit forever. Those He would save were merely beneficiaries of His act of mercy and they'd just show up in heaven and join them one day. That's not His view of us though. He came out of love, not duty.

The Trinity is absolutely positively head-over-heels in love with US! We are His joy.

I am His joy.

Wow.