I'M A SURVIVOR

I survived my wedding.

It was a whirlwind weekend of people, smiles, chatter, flights and photos galore. And even though it was over three weeks ago, I'm still feeling like I'm just recovering from it. I had been worried about how I would fare under all the pressure and I'm glad to say I emerged victorious. I did not die!

I did have a breakdown on the Saturday night at our family and close friends' dinner where I felt myself unravelling at an alarming rate and we had to excuse ourselves early. In the moment, all I felt was panic and fear because I really thought I was losing control of myself. In retrospect, I've learned that that's what happens when I reach my limit.

Thinking about that night, I feel a sense of shame for not being stronger. I had only lasted until 8:30pm on my own wedding night. But then I think, if I'm going to max out, it might as well be on my wedding day. And I also come to the sobering thought that if I my wedding had been a year ago, I might not have even made it to the 1:00pm ceremony, much less attend the dinner.

Talking with a friend this morning, I rediscovered just what a long way I've come in a year. Now that the big stressful event is over, I have great hope for more progress on the road of recovery.