I was pleasantly surprised today when I looked at the date of my first post on this blog and realized it was exactly four years ago. Thinking back, my heart is full of gratitude. God has indeed brought me a far ways from where I was back then.
Today, I can confidently say that I have walked through the valley to the other side. One of the clear indications that I have recovered from burnout is that my heart feels like it is ever expanding these days. I meet people, hear about friends' situations or read the news, and find that each story finds a place in my heart - that I want to pray for these people and wrap the love of Jesus around them. Four years ago, my heart felt shriveled up and hard like a rock. I could not see anything beyond myself.
I have been asked what components played a part in my recovery. Similar to the causes of burnout, the recovery process also consisted of a mixture of factors. A major one was having supportive family and friends around me. My parents graciously took me back into their home for over a half a year when I was in the most acute distress. They made sure I ate well, slept lots and had minimal social engagements. They also drove me to see my counselor, who was another major factor in my recovery. For a number of months, one of my best friends and I would meet regularly and we went through the "Be Transformed" workbook by Scope Ministries. This study, along with her companionship, helped to establish biblical and truthful views of myself. Many of the books I read were also helpful in giving me ways of understanding myself and teaching me the value of rest.
Taking a year of stress leave from work was key. It released me from the daily demands of work and allowed me to focus on getting back on my feet. Attending a church where I was unknown gave me a safe place to interact with God without feeling obligated to update people on how my ministry went or even engage in small talk that was draining for me.
It was also a huge help to me that my boyfriend/fiance (now husband) was extremely supportive and patient with me. And that those who knew my situation prayed for me.
Above all though, I think what was most healing in my recovery process was the element of time. It was not easy to wait for things to get better. And I still cannot say I'm back to the same energy levels as I had pre-burnout. But time has given me new perspective. As I have lived this new "normal," I have come to realize that I can accept my limits better now and that God can still use me even if I don't live up to what I think I need to be.
So thank God with me, will you? For His faithfulness, gentleness and persistence; for His redemptive work and mysterious ways. For four long and full years on the road towards wholeness, maturity and Life!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
WHAT CAUSED THE BURNOUT?
I've often been asked what I think was the cause of my burnout. My answer: it's complex. There were many factors that came into play and I can't give you a simple "It was this" kind of an answer. But I can trace a few threads that interwove to get me to the point of burning out.
At the deepest level, I think a foundational cause of my burnout was the disbelief that God truly loved me unconditionally. Something in me thought that I needed to do a certain thing or be a certain way before God could love me. And so I had a difficult time resting or simply being (I'm still learning and growing in this area). I would look for the approval of others to affirm that I really was loved.
Another factor that contributed to burnout was a long history of over-involvement and extreme busyness. By the time I identified that I was burnt out, I had a track record of about 14 years of high-paced living. Late nights, early mornings, school, church, campus groups, ballet, piano... I demanded excellence of myself in all these areas. And I equated productivity with a life well lived.
On top of these factors, in the three years immediately preceding my final breakdown, I was involved in work that was completely incongruent with who I was wired to be. This was due to a combination of a lack of knowledge of myself and an inability to accept certain aspects of myself. The job I was working required me to take a lot of initiative with people, constantly be around people, and be part of a team that included several extreme extroverts. I had trouble accepting that I was an extreme introvert, that I needed more quietness than the average person and that solitude and contemplation were lifelines for me. I also did not have ample opportunity to develop my creative side or express myself through the arts, which resulted in a piece of my soul withering up over time. I ended up moving "homes" a lot during that period as well, which was not helpful for someone who needed stability to flourish.
There are probably more factors that led to my burnout, but these are a few of the major ones I have been able to identify so far.
At the deepest level, I think a foundational cause of my burnout was the disbelief that God truly loved me unconditionally. Something in me thought that I needed to do a certain thing or be a certain way before God could love me. And so I had a difficult time resting or simply being (I'm still learning and growing in this area). I would look for the approval of others to affirm that I really was loved.
Another factor that contributed to burnout was a long history of over-involvement and extreme busyness. By the time I identified that I was burnt out, I had a track record of about 14 years of high-paced living. Late nights, early mornings, school, church, campus groups, ballet, piano... I demanded excellence of myself in all these areas. And I equated productivity with a life well lived.
On top of these factors, in the three years immediately preceding my final breakdown, I was involved in work that was completely incongruent with who I was wired to be. This was due to a combination of a lack of knowledge of myself and an inability to accept certain aspects of myself. The job I was working required me to take a lot of initiative with people, constantly be around people, and be part of a team that included several extreme extroverts. I had trouble accepting that I was an extreme introvert, that I needed more quietness than the average person and that solitude and contemplation were lifelines for me. I also did not have ample opportunity to develop my creative side or express myself through the arts, which resulted in a piece of my soul withering up over time. I ended up moving "homes" a lot during that period as well, which was not helpful for someone who needed stability to flourish.
There are probably more factors that led to my burnout, but these are a few of the major ones I have been able to identify so far.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
SAVOURING THE DAY
A couple weeks ago, I was on a red-eye flight from Honolulu to Bellingham and I sat beside a lady who was travelling with three young children (ages 2, 4 and 6). As the plane was getting ready to take off, she took out a large bag of chips and three smaller sandwich bags. She then proceeded to divide the chips among the three bags - one for each of her children - their in-flight entertainment, so to speak.
As the plane took off, she looked over her kids happily munching away and said to them, "Eat the chips slowly now. That's all you're getting for the next while so be sure to enjoy them and savour them."
I think it was the first time I'd ever heard a parent tell her children to savour something. I was deeply inspired.
I'm "in limbo" in several areas of my life these days and being in the midst of all the unknowns and uncertainties has propelled me to a place of simply living as each day comes. I think it's actually a good thing that I cannot live in the future (or the past, really) because I can approach each day with openness and savour each day.
I picture God handing me a baggie full of chips and encouraging me, "Eat them slowly now. Remember to savour each chip!"
As the plane took off, she looked over her kids happily munching away and said to them, "Eat the chips slowly now. That's all you're getting for the next while so be sure to enjoy them and savour them."
I think it was the first time I'd ever heard a parent tell her children to savour something. I was deeply inspired.
I'm "in limbo" in several areas of my life these days and being in the midst of all the unknowns and uncertainties has propelled me to a place of simply living as each day comes. I think it's actually a good thing that I cannot live in the future (or the past, really) because I can approach each day with openness and savour each day.
I picture God handing me a baggie full of chips and encouraging me, "Eat them slowly now. Remember to savour each chip!"
Saturday, July 9, 2011
A SONG FOR MY FRIENDS
I was recently introduced to this song written by my favourite musician/singer. It speaks to a deep part of me. I wanted to pass it on and bless you with it as well. It's particularly meaningful for women, but I suspect the message would still speak to men in some way.
Monday, July 4, 2011
DIGGING FOR ROOTS
I've heard it said before that the path to Christian maturity is really about one thing. What that thing is is different for each person, but we all have something that comes up again and again; something that mutates and reappears in forms that are at first unrecognizable perhaps but upon further investigation prove to be "that thing" we thought we'd dealt with already. I don't know if I just have one thing, but I do know I have at least a couple things that come up with alarming regularity.
One of those "things" for me is the attachment of my value to my perceived productivity. What do I mean? Well here's a recent example. A few weeks ago over dinner, my husband bravely asked me if I was afraid about how tired I would feel after the baby is born. As soon as I heard his question, tears sprang up into my eyes (and it wasn't just because of pregnancy hormones). I knew his question had touched on something deep that I was reluctant to look at. I told him that yes, I was afraid of becoming super tired again. He wisely suggested that I might do well to process through why I had this fear and to address it before the baby arrived. I didn't know how to go about facing this so before bed that night, I simply offered the question up to God and told him He'd have to help me work through it.
Surprisingly, I had a dream that very night that spoke to my request. In my dream, a friend of mine was driving me to an appointment. She was driving very carefully and slowly and I kept telling her to hurry up. She also didn't know the area so I was giving her directions. All of a sudden, she decided to take a right turn even though I hadn't told her to. That turn took us on a detour through a construction site that required her to drive even more slowly and carefully. My impatience and frustration were at excruciating levels but because she was my friend, I didn't yell at her. I don't remember the end of my dream but I think I eventually made it to my destination.
As I sat with the dream and asked Jesus to help me make sense of it the next day, I saw that when I feel tired, the same emotions of impatience and frustration rise up in me. It's like someone else has control of the vehicle and everything slows down. I saw too that behind those emotions was a desire to control my life - to make sure things were done my way or done, period. Tracing down to the root of all this, I arrived at the shocking conclusion that the reason I wanted things done or done my way was because if things weren't done or done "correctly," I felt less valuable! So here I had this fear of tiredness that was really a masquerade for a false belief that my worth was attached to my performance.
As I've continued this journey to the other side of burnout, I'm learning that some of the root beliefs that affect my behaviour are deeper than I realize. And I pray that in His grace, God would continue to expose these rotting roots and help me establish healthy ones in their place.
One of those "things" for me is the attachment of my value to my perceived productivity. What do I mean? Well here's a recent example. A few weeks ago over dinner, my husband bravely asked me if I was afraid about how tired I would feel after the baby is born. As soon as I heard his question, tears sprang up into my eyes (and it wasn't just because of pregnancy hormones). I knew his question had touched on something deep that I was reluctant to look at. I told him that yes, I was afraid of becoming super tired again. He wisely suggested that I might do well to process through why I had this fear and to address it before the baby arrived. I didn't know how to go about facing this so before bed that night, I simply offered the question up to God and told him He'd have to help me work through it.
Surprisingly, I had a dream that very night that spoke to my request. In my dream, a friend of mine was driving me to an appointment. She was driving very carefully and slowly and I kept telling her to hurry up. She also didn't know the area so I was giving her directions. All of a sudden, she decided to take a right turn even though I hadn't told her to. That turn took us on a detour through a construction site that required her to drive even more slowly and carefully. My impatience and frustration were at excruciating levels but because she was my friend, I didn't yell at her. I don't remember the end of my dream but I think I eventually made it to my destination.
As I sat with the dream and asked Jesus to help me make sense of it the next day, I saw that when I feel tired, the same emotions of impatience and frustration rise up in me. It's like someone else has control of the vehicle and everything slows down. I saw too that behind those emotions was a desire to control my life - to make sure things were done my way or done, period. Tracing down to the root of all this, I arrived at the shocking conclusion that the reason I wanted things done or done my way was because if things weren't done or done "correctly," I felt less valuable! So here I had this fear of tiredness that was really a masquerade for a false belief that my worth was attached to my performance.
As I've continued this journey to the other side of burnout, I'm learning that some of the root beliefs that affect my behaviour are deeper than I realize. And I pray that in His grace, God would continue to expose these rotting roots and help me establish healthy ones in their place.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
TAKING TIME TO PAUSE
I started reading "Seven Sacred Pauses" by Macrina Wiederkehr this past week. Its subtitle is "Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day." I've been pleasantly surprised by it.
From what I gather, Macrina lives the monastic life, but her writing is such that it makes the Benedictine concepts of pausing for prayer seven times a day very accessible to the average working person. She explains the tradition of praying at each of the times: in the middle of the night, at daybreak, at mid-morning, at noon, in the mid-afternoon, in the evening and at bedtime and highlights the themes from each of the "hours." She also includes prayer suggestions and thoughts to meditate on.
What I love most about this book is that her idea of pausing in the midst of work - to remember who I am; to remember Whose I am - instills a real sense of sacredness and dignity to my everyday comings and goings. The practice of pausing, if even for a moment, has a way of bringing me back to being and it reminds me of God's accompaniment with me throughout the day.
My favourite quote from the book so far is this. I'll leave it with you to ponder:
"Work is love made visible"
- Khalil Gibran (quoted by Macrina Wiederkehr)
From what I gather, Macrina lives the monastic life, but her writing is such that it makes the Benedictine concepts of pausing for prayer seven times a day very accessible to the average working person. She explains the tradition of praying at each of the times: in the middle of the night, at daybreak, at mid-morning, at noon, in the mid-afternoon, in the evening and at bedtime and highlights the themes from each of the "hours." She also includes prayer suggestions and thoughts to meditate on.
What I love most about this book is that her idea of pausing in the midst of work - to remember who I am; to remember Whose I am - instills a real sense of sacredness and dignity to my everyday comings and goings. The practice of pausing, if even for a moment, has a way of bringing me back to being and it reminds me of God's accompaniment with me throughout the day.
My favourite quote from the book so far is this. I'll leave it with you to ponder:
"Work is love made visible"
- Khalil Gibran (quoted by Macrina Wiederkehr)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
INNER AUTHORITY
A good friend and I had a conversation recently about how sometimes we feel like we need others to give us permission to take care of ourselves. I know that before I burned out, this was more often than not the case. Somehow, I felt like unless someone else told me I could have some time off or time alone, I couldn't justify doing it.
Within our conversation, the phrase, "Inner Authority" came to my mind. I realized that in order to be fully mature and healthy, I needed to have an appropriate sense of inner authority. As I thought about Jesus, I saw that that was what he most definitely had. Because he knew who he was and whose he was, he was able to act rightly in every situation. He was free to eat with whomever he wanted to, free to sleep on the boat in the middle of a storm, free to turn over the tables at the temple, and ultimately, free to be betrayed and crucified.
As I grow in my knowledge and union with Christ, I want more of his inner authority. This is my prayer for myself as well as for all those who struggle with looking to others for permission to live fully.
Within our conversation, the phrase, "Inner Authority" came to my mind. I realized that in order to be fully mature and healthy, I needed to have an appropriate sense of inner authority. As I thought about Jesus, I saw that that was what he most definitely had. Because he knew who he was and whose he was, he was able to act rightly in every situation. He was free to eat with whomever he wanted to, free to sleep on the boat in the middle of a storm, free to turn over the tables at the temple, and ultimately, free to be betrayed and crucified.
As I grow in my knowledge and union with Christ, I want more of his inner authority. This is my prayer for myself as well as for all those who struggle with looking to others for permission to live fully.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
IS IT OK TO DISAPPOINT GOD?
I have been pondering Peter and Jesus' exchange when they walked on water in the middle of the storm. Someone recently asked me whether I would rather stay in the boat like most of the disciples or risk it like Peter. Would I want to step out onto the waves, start sinking and have Jesus disappointed in my small faith? The deepest part of me says I want to risk it. Every time. Because even if I sank, I would never forget the strength of Jesus' grip when He bails me out. But the part about disappointing God makes me hesitate.
Why is disappointing God something to be avoided? Why do we think it's a bad thing for Him to reprimand us? Disappointment seems to be a natural part of relationships between two persons. If disappointment comes because our hopes for another person are not met, then for God to be disappointed in us it would mean that He has hopes for us. That's not so bad, is it? (Side note: While oftentimes we associate disappointment with unmet expectations, I think there's a difference between expectation and hope. When it comes to God's view of us, I think He views us with hope rather than expectation. I don't think He requires us to do or be anything other than what we are, but He does long for us to be more than what we are.)
Maturity in Christ looks like this to me: that I live ever more fully in my own reality, acknowledging and taking ownership of my feelings, thoughts and actions while giving freedom for others (people or God) to be who they are. If my small faith is all that I have at the moment, wouldn't recognizing the reality of my condition be a positive thing rather than a negative thing? And for God to express His disappointment would mean that He is His own person and does not need to cater to my ego. For me not to be afraid of His disappointment would mean that I am accepting of His personhood that is distinct from mine.
I think that perhaps we link others' disappointment in us too closely with our worth as individuals. When I think about God's relationship with us, He doesn't get flustered if we are disappointed with Him. He just is who He is. Some might argue and say that God doesn't need our approval to know His worth. That's true. But don't we already have God's full approval? Hasn't He already demonstrated that He loves us unconditionally? Hasn't He also promised us that He will never abandon us? So what are we so afraid of?
Why is disappointing God something to be avoided? Why do we think it's a bad thing for Him to reprimand us? Disappointment seems to be a natural part of relationships between two persons. If disappointment comes because our hopes for another person are not met, then for God to be disappointed in us it would mean that He has hopes for us. That's not so bad, is it? (Side note: While oftentimes we associate disappointment with unmet expectations, I think there's a difference between expectation and hope. When it comes to God's view of us, I think He views us with hope rather than expectation. I don't think He requires us to do or be anything other than what we are, but He does long for us to be more than what we are.)
Maturity in Christ looks like this to me: that I live ever more fully in my own reality, acknowledging and taking ownership of my feelings, thoughts and actions while giving freedom for others (people or God) to be who they are. If my small faith is all that I have at the moment, wouldn't recognizing the reality of my condition be a positive thing rather than a negative thing? And for God to express His disappointment would mean that He is His own person and does not need to cater to my ego. For me not to be afraid of His disappointment would mean that I am accepting of His personhood that is distinct from mine.
I think that perhaps we link others' disappointment in us too closely with our worth as individuals. When I think about God's relationship with us, He doesn't get flustered if we are disappointed with Him. He just is who He is. Some might argue and say that God doesn't need our approval to know His worth. That's true. But don't we already have God's full approval? Hasn't He already demonstrated that He loves us unconditionally? Hasn't He also promised us that He will never abandon us? So what are we so afraid of?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
A SIGNIFICANT PLACE
This week, I handed in my final paper for the two year Center for Spiritual Formation program. Going through it has been one of the biggest blessings in my life so far. It began nearly two years ago with an 8-day intensive at Rivendell, a retreat center on Bowen Island. Tomorrow, I will head to Rivendell again. This time it will be with just one friend. And it will only be for two nights.
I have had a rather hairy and hectic life these past three weeks so I am grateful for some time to slow down and be away from the rigours of daily life. I look forward to the silence and the solitude. I look forward to catching up on some sleep and journalling my little heart out. I'm also bringing a small jigsaw puzzle with me to do there because it will help me to relax.
Going back to Rivendell at this particular time is significant to me. I like how it bookends my Center for Spiritual Formation experience. I am praying though that this rain would kindly go somewhere else for the three days ahead. But even if it doesn't, it's not like I'll be puzzling outside anyway. ;)
I have had a rather hairy and hectic life these past three weeks so I am grateful for some time to slow down and be away from the rigours of daily life. I look forward to the silence and the solitude. I look forward to catching up on some sleep and journalling my little heart out. I'm also bringing a small jigsaw puzzle with me to do there because it will help me to relax.
Going back to Rivendell at this particular time is significant to me. I like how it bookends my Center for Spiritual Formation experience. I am praying though that this rain would kindly go somewhere else for the three days ahead. But even if it doesn't, it's not like I'll be puzzling outside anyway. ;)
Monday, February 28, 2011
WOMEN AND SELF-CONTEMPT
I know there are both men and women who read this blog, but this post will be particularly about women. (Men, you are more than welcome to read it. It might, in fact, help you understand the mystery called women just a little better.)
I recently finished reading a book called Holy Listening by Margaret Guenther. She is a spiritual director in New York city and in the last chapter of the book, she addressed spiritual direction and women in particular. I appreciated her insights.
Many of the people I know who have walked through burnout have been women. I wonder if this insight from Guenther has something to do with it. She wrote:
I recently finished reading a book called Holy Listening by Margaret Guenther. She is a spiritual director in New York city and in the last chapter of the book, she addressed spiritual direction and women in particular. I appreciated her insights.
Many of the people I know who have walked through burnout have been women. I wonder if this insight from Guenther has something to do with it. She wrote:
The time I have spent listening to women's stories, however, has convinced me that there are distinctly feminine patterns of sinfulness... Women's distinctive sin is self-contempt. ...It is important not to minimize the sin of self-hatred and self-contempt. It is a sin, for at its heart is a denial of God’s love and the goodness of God’s creation. Pride plays a part after all, for the women discounts herself as part of creation and assumes that the rules of divine love do not apply to her. That love is there for everyone else, but not for her (pp. 128, 130; emphasis added).I can identify this tendency in myself. This basic unbelief that God loves me as much as He loves everyone else in the world. And I know that for me, this unbelief led to some destructive life-patterns that contributed to my burnout. I know I stand guilty of the sin of self-contempt. And it is both embarrassing and freeing to have this called out so clearly.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
QUESTION MARKS CAN BE HEAVY THINGS
I have a few important questions these days that God is taking His time in answering. I feel like each day I'm walking around carrying question marks around. And with each minute that passes they seem to be growing in weight.
My spiritual director suggested to me that the act of waiting could perhaps be a form of praying. If that is so, maybe carrying around these heavy question marks can be my prayer for the time being.
My spiritual director suggested to me that the act of waiting could perhaps be a form of praying. If that is so, maybe carrying around these heavy question marks can be my prayer for the time being.
Monday, January 31, 2011
RICHES OF DARKNESS AND THE IDOL OF CERTITUDE
And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness—
secret riches.
I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord,
the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.
~ Isaiah 45:3 (emphasis added)
Last night at church, our guest speaker, Stephen Lungu, shared his dramatic story along with four "D"s that God uses to discipline us. I was encouraged both by his story and his observation of how God hones us toward holiness.
The four "D"s of God's discipline according to Stephen Lungu:
secret riches.
I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord,
the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.
~ Isaiah 45:3 (emphasis added)
Last night at church, our guest speaker, Stephen Lungu, shared his dramatic story along with four "D"s that God uses to discipline us. I was encouraged both by his story and his observation of how God hones us toward holiness.
The four "D"s of God's discipline according to Stephen Lungu:
- Darkness. God often brings us into times of darkness and possibly chaos and confusion. But He also promises us that those times contain riches we could not see otherwise (Isaiah 45:3).
- Delay. God sometimes purposely makes us wait.
- Discrimination. Sometimes God will seem to bless everyone around us except us. He does this so that we learn to bless Him even when He blesses others. And sometimes as He blesses others, their blessings overflow into our lives.
- Discomfort. Similar to how God brought Elijah to the brook of Cherith and then dried up the brook so that Elijah would go to the widow's place, He will sometimes bring us discomfort so that we learn to go and bless others.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
GLIMMERS OF INSPIRATION
There are two women whom I have come to love dearly and who inspire me greatly. The first is one of my professors at the Center of Spiritual Formation, the second, is my spiritual director. They both have a gentleness and an attentiveness to God that is so rare. After every conversation with them, I leave with the feeling, "I want to be like her!" That's probably because they're so like Jesus.
Over the course of last week, I had the pleasure of seeing both of them. Not surprisingly, they each gave me a piece of inspiration. These little nuggets of truth and beauty deserve to be shared. So, my friends, here they are. I pray that you would be blessed.
Inspirational vignette #1 (original source was from a novel my professor had read):
In the Old Testament, we are told that no one can look at the face of God and live. Instead, we can only see His back after He has passed us. Perhaps this refers to the passage of time. So often, when we are in the midst of a set of circumstances, we cannot see where God is. But when we look back in time, we are able to say, "There He was."
Inspirational vignette #2 (original source was from my spiritual director's friend):
This image came to a woman who was in a season of deep darkness. She imagined herself on the brink of a large and cavernous pit, about to fall in. She was terrified of falling in and disappearing into the blackness. As she prayed, she felt God saying to her, "What you see as despair, I see as opportunity. The larger the hole, the more room there is for me to pour out my love."
How very beautiful.
Over the course of last week, I had the pleasure of seeing both of them. Not surprisingly, they each gave me a piece of inspiration. These little nuggets of truth and beauty deserve to be shared. So, my friends, here they are. I pray that you would be blessed.
Inspirational vignette #1 (original source was from a novel my professor had read):
In the Old Testament, we are told that no one can look at the face of God and live. Instead, we can only see His back after He has passed us. Perhaps this refers to the passage of time. So often, when we are in the midst of a set of circumstances, we cannot see where God is. But when we look back in time, we are able to say, "There He was."
Inspirational vignette #2 (original source was from my spiritual director's friend):
This image came to a woman who was in a season of deep darkness. She imagined herself on the brink of a large and cavernous pit, about to fall in. She was terrified of falling in and disappearing into the blackness. As she prayed, she felt God saying to her, "What you see as despair, I see as opportunity. The larger the hole, the more room there is for me to pour out my love."
How very beautiful.
Monday, January 17, 2011
DAILY BREAD
I once heard a speaker explain the Lord's prayer in context of the passage that followed it. Jesus continued his message on prayer by going on to tell the story of a neighbour who came knocking at midnight, asking for bread. And the speaker said our petition for daily bread is not only for us, but so that we can have bread to offer our neighbour as well.
Last weekend, I had a bit of a what I'll call a "daily bread" experience. Tim and I were incredibly, disgustingly sick with a nasty cold and my brother-in-law was arriving back from his trip to Asia on that Sunday. On his way over to our place to pick up his car (which we had borrowed), he called us. He was jetlagged. And sick. And his fridge was empty. Would we have any food to spare?
As I looked around our kitchen, I was overjoyed that I had made a huge pot of stew a few days before, not realizing that I would now be sick and have a sick brother to feed. I happily (and somewhat groggily) packed him some stew, a couple cans of chicken noodle soup, and half a loaf of bread. There, I thought, that should last him at least until he was well enough to get his own groceries.
I didn't make it to church that Sunday, but I had my own worship experience in my kitchen. God had obviously provided my daily bread. Not just for me, but for my brother-in-law as well. And in the midst of my poverty, I discovered that I still had enough to give.
Last weekend, I had a bit of a what I'll call a "daily bread" experience. Tim and I were incredibly, disgustingly sick with a nasty cold and my brother-in-law was arriving back from his trip to Asia on that Sunday. On his way over to our place to pick up his car (which we had borrowed), he called us. He was jetlagged. And sick. And his fridge was empty. Would we have any food to spare?
As I looked around our kitchen, I was overjoyed that I had made a huge pot of stew a few days before, not realizing that I would now be sick and have a sick brother to feed. I happily (and somewhat groggily) packed him some stew, a couple cans of chicken noodle soup, and half a loaf of bread. There, I thought, that should last him at least until he was well enough to get his own groceries.
I didn't make it to church that Sunday, but I had my own worship experience in my kitchen. God had obviously provided my daily bread. Not just for me, but for my brother-in-law as well. And in the midst of my poverty, I discovered that I still had enough to give.
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